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March 15, 2004
The Assignment
**To understand this post you need to have read the previous one first.
Lynne asked in the comments in my last post what our assignment was. Here it is in all its glory: We are studying how to have good communication within your marriage.
We had to answer the following questions alone and then get together and discuss them:
1. How would you rate yourself on a scale of one (poor) to five (excellent) as a clear communicator? As a sincere listener? As an appropriate responder?
2. How would you rate your spouse on a scale of one (poor) to five (excellent) as a clear communicator? As a sincere listener? As an appropriate responder?
3. What do you appreciate about the conversation skills of your spouse?
4. What do you need to work on most in improving your communication skills?
5. What’s one concern in your marriage that you’d like to discuss with your spouse before this date is over?
Okay, after you answer these questions, you then “interact as a couple” and do the following:
1. Go over the questions above. Be open, kind, and understanding as you address difficult issues.
2. Tell each other about the concerns you listed under question 5. Tackle those concerns one at a time, following the components of communication learned in this week’s lesson. Be sure to speak, listen, and respond at the appropriate times. When it’s your time to give feedback, ask questions to help clarify your understanding. Summarize what you think you’ve heard, and ask if you understood correctly. Before you leave each concern, be sure to ask, “What do you need most from me right now?”
3. Wrap up your time together with prayer, committing to practice good communication skills within your marriage in the coming weeks.
Kevin and I talk constantly, but there are apparently couples who don’t communicate enough or when they do it’s with spite or hateful words. The lesson says that in order to have good communication you need to:
1. Express yourself clearly
2. Listen
3. Respond appropriately
I get the feeling that most of the couples in this class haven’t been married very long and are still working things through. Last night was interesting also. Some couples are still having conversations about the toilet seat: up or down, the proper way to put the toilet paper back on the roll, etc. It’s just interesting for us to sit back and listen.
Posted by tami at March 15, 2004 8:42 AM
Comments
And then do you go back and share all of this with the group? One final question Tami; how do you get Kevin to put the seat DOWN?
Posted by: Lynne at March 16, 2004 4:23 AM
Actually, I have found that you don't go over the homework once you go back to class. So, I didn't need to even worry about it. As we do the lesson in class, people do say things, but they are not allowed to say anything that would embarrass their partner.
The toilet seat issue has never been a problem in our house. Almost eight years ago when we had Ashley that was just one of those safety rules: keep the seat down. When she was two years old, we got our cat Church and it was a safety rule with him also. Trust me, if we had kept the seat up he would have drank out of it. After all that time it becomes habit and there isn't a problem.
Posted by: Tami at March 16, 2004 7:49 AM
Toilet seat stays down here, too; spurred on by his back pain, my hubby decided that it was easier to sit, nomatter the task at hand!
I know what you mean about sitting back and listening. We went to a Family Life Marriage Conference not too long after we were married, and we really didn't hear that much new stuff. We'd always enjoyed listening to "Focus on the Family" and "Family Life Today", though, so much of what was discussed at the conference was stuff we'd talked about as result of the shows.
Posted by: gw at March 18, 2004 10:40 PM