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April 1, 2007
Right Or Wrong?
I would like to know the difference between gossiping and simply giving your opinion about something. I know when you gossip you are talking about someone else behind their back; I guess, usually in a negative way. When you give your opinion you are stating how you feel about something, how it affects you personally maybe.
Here is what has been on my mind and why I bring this up.
Last week at work, a coworker and I discovered that we live in the same neighborhood. I asked her which street she lives on. When she told me, I said, “Oh, you live across from the Blank Family. Their yard is the junkiest thing I have ever seen! I can’t believe they built on that addition and the yard still looks that bad.” We both agreed that if it looks that bad on the outside, the inside must be as equally terrible. We both got a good laugh out of this.
Then I explained to her where I live. As I was explaining where I live, I gave her a description of a house nearby. I told her that the people who lived there must be color blind because the house itself is blue, but the shudders and everything else is canary yellow – bright, bright yellow. It’s the worst looking thing I have ever seen. I went on to tell this coworker that it looks abandoned. No one is living there now and there was some kind of notice on the door. Each day when I drive by, I look to see if anyone has come back, but they never have and it’s been months.
As soon as this conversation was over, I felt guilty. Our preacher has been telling us, if we are Christians, we need to ACT like Christians. I felt guilty because I had talked badly about these people’s houses. When I spoke these thoughts aloud, someone, sitting nearby said, “You’re just saying what everyone else is saying.”
That gave me pause. It made me wonder was I just giving my opinion or was I gossiping? I still don’t know, so I am turning to you for the answer.
Posted by tami at April 1, 2007 1:26 PM
Comments
It's certainly not wrong to have an opinion, but to voice your opinion about the way others live is, I believe, not only gossiping but being judgemental. As far as the Blank family goes, there could be a situation in their home that no one knows about, such as an illness in the family, or some other reason as to why they haven't cleaned up their yard. Who knows, maybe they don't really care about the way their property looks, but what harm is it doing? After all, this is America and we are free to decorate our homes and yards as we see fit. There is a house not too far from mine that is painted a bright, Pepto-Bismol pink. Personally, that is not a color I would choose for my own home, but I have to applaud the person who lives there for being original, and for obviously not caring what their neighbors think. As long as the Blanks' junky yard isn't hurting anyone else, I say live and let live.
Posted by: Stacey at April 1, 2007 7:16 PM
I agree that I am being judgmental. However, I’m sure their sloppiness has decreased the property values of the surrounding homes. Why would anyone want to live around the people with the garbage all over their yard? There is probably some law in regards to keeping your property neat. I know there is a law about keeping junk cars, but I don’t know about junk itself. There was a man about six months ago who went to jail for not complying with the police in regards to getting rid of the junk on his property (he lives on Winchester Road and the residents didn’t appreciate it). The people I speak of are healthy and make good money. Their yard has looked this way for years.
Posted by: Tami at April 1, 2007 10:46 PM
When we were renting a house in another city, our grass often got a little longer than it should, and it rightly bothered the neighbors, and they probably talked about our yard to each other, but I was ok with that. It wasn't gossip. It was really a mess of a yard, and we were being rude by not keeping it up properly. I think you know it's gossip if you wouldn't want them to know you said it about them. I'm sure you would probably like them to know you think their yard is an eye sore, so they would clean it up. You're probably too timid to ever say anything directly to them though. I know I would be :)
Posted by: Tammy at April 2, 2007 9:55 AM
This is a hard one, opinion or gossip? I think everyone is entitled to an opinion but if you share that opinion with then entire world then it becomes gossip. My house is not the most attractive but by my mother's account, it's lived in. I do my best to keep up the outside but sometimes working full time and then keeping up with the normal things in life you don't have much time for anything else. Right now we need the yard mowed. I'm just not ready to break the mower out, so parts of the yard are above the ankle and others are mashed down where we walk and the kids have played. I don't think you did anything wrong here, just stating the obvious.
Posted by: deanna at April 2, 2007 10:59 AM
I think the question you have to ask is, "would I say this to the person's face?" If not, why not? That helps me discern what stuff's best kept to myself. When we talk about peoples' personal habits with others, all it does is make them form opinions about people they've sometimes never even met. The people are judged sight-unseen, by opinion only. Know what I mean? I'm guilty of such conversations, too, so no stones thrown from here.
Posted by: gw at April 2, 2007 1:05 PM
I meant also to quote what I heard someone present as a good litmus test: (1) Does what I'm saying help the individual I'm talking about? (2) Does it help the person who's hearing it? (3) Is it my business, really?
Posted by: gw at April 2, 2007 1:07 PM
If lips could keep from slips, five things you do with care.To whom you speak, of whom you speak, about what and when and where!!!!!
Posted by: Dennis at April 2, 2007 8:36 PM