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March 4, 2008
"Do me a favor. Put your lip over your head... and swallow."
Every time I watch the movie Grumpy Old Men I am glad that I did. It gets funnier every time; maybe it’s because I am older each time I watch!
I don’t know how, but I forget and then it surprises me that Burgess Meredith is in this film. It boggles my mind how I would forget that since he is one of the funniest characters in the movie! He has been in so many things, but I first fell in love with him when he played Mr. Hennessey in the movie Foul Play.
There are many, many funny lines in this movie, so you need to see it if you haven’t, but here are three lines that I love:
Grandpa Gustafson (Burgess Meredith): Looks like Chuck's taking old one-eye to the optometrist.
Max Goldman (Walter Matthau): When I had an ulcer, I was farting razor blades.
John Gustafson (Jack Lemmon): I've laid more pipe in this town than Wabasha Plumbing.
There are too many one-liners to list, but you get the gist of it.
Sadly, the three leading men have passed away.
Burgess Meredith died in 1997 from melanoma and Alzheimer’s disease.
Walter Matthau died in 2000 from a heart attack.
Jack Lemmon died in 2001 from bladder cancer.
These were three men who were wonderful at what they did.
Someone sent me a joke in email and I found it very fitting since I was talking about “old men”. I hope it makes you smile:
Hot and ColdAfter his exam the doctor said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?”
"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August."
Someone else sent me this:
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, “How old was your husband?” “98,” she replied. “Two years older than me.” “So you're 96,”the undertaker commented. She responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it?”*****
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
“And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked.
She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”*****
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.*****
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.*****
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
“Wal-Mart!” the preacher exclaimed, “why Wal-Mart?”
“Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.”*****
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.*****
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.*****
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
*****
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, “For fast relief.”
*****
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Posted by tami at March 4, 2008 1:05 PM
Comments
I love that movie and those actors too.
Posted by: Tammy at March 4, 2008 1:32 PM
Those movies are some of our favorites! Burgess Meredith's euphemisms, shown after the credits, kill us every time! Search YouTube for Grumpy Old Men - there are outtakes and there's also a montage of Burgess Meredith clips.
Posted by: gw at March 9, 2008 2:27 PM